Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.