sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.