That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon