Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
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At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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