Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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