so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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