i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
