I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
