Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
