You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
