I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
