i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
