OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
