dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
