Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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