Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
