she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
