after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well I just put wine in my tea
The feeling are messing with the penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize