I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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