did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
