I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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