Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
