I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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