Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
