I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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