I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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