I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
