You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
