Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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