i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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