i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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