I want to stick my p in your. b.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
