he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
