she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
