By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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