I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
