He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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