You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
