I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize