Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
