If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
