Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
