so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just sucked dick on a ferry
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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