Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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