So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
