Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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