Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
