Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
