Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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