Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
