tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
