6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
