I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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