Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
