Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
