he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
