Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
