I want to make a zoo with you.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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