So drunk its hurt
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
