i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
