I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
