I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
