remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
