The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
