just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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